backdrops

a poem about love, change, and taking accountability

the backdrops keep crumbling around me
and new ones are built from the rubble
the one that was up when you found me
it told me that I was in trouble

I never was ready to feel you
to breathe in the warmth of your spirit
unworthy of seeing the real you,
I still tried to cherish each minute

but I felt the burn of my weakness
the dark cloud of doubt made me shiver
I knew what it was that you needed
I knew I could never deliver

so I rode the wave of my instincts
the patterns that always consume me
I faded off into the distance
afraid of you seeing right through me

came to in a place I was new to
and felt the guilt start to corrode me
I wish I could grow, just like you do
and not circle back to the old me

this city saw not my arrival
but something about it feels bitter
no host for my stabs at revival
it's pushing me out like a splinter

so I stay inside like I'm used to
keep trying to hide from this strong fear
of battles which I always lose to
the feeling that I don't belong here

in time, once again, I'll get braver
and poke my head out from the shadows
decide I can be my own savior
dive back in the deep from the shallows

some weeks will go by, and I'll find you
you'll have a new name and new customs
your face will be different, your mind too
but I'll recognize how you function

I'll fight, tooth and nail, for redemption
for all of your pain that I ran from
but I'll feel the weight of deception
abrading the ground that I stand on

and once more, the cycle will triumph
I'll fall, run in fear, and start over
again, and again, as I find that
once more, April's turned to October

the backdrops keep crumbling around me
and I am the one thing that's constant
but all this time still won't allow me
to just accept I am the problem

This poem is a work of fiction inspired by the work of Lizzy McAlpine, The Wonder Years and The Story So Far, and

Faith Zapata

’s new song same guy new apartment.

Trying out something new here! I’m still very much confined to rhyming poetry, because that’s what I’m more comfortable with, but I think this turned out pretty well. Thank you for reading :)